Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die

1966 [ITALIAN]

Action / Comedy

IMDb Rating 6.1 10 324

spy cia rio de janeiro gadget

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Plot summary

Uploaded by: FREEMAN
May 26, 2022 at 08:56 PM


Top cast

Dorothy Provine as Susan Fleming
Mike Connors as Kelly
Terry-Thomas as Lord Aldric / James
976.05 MB
English 2.0
24 fps
1 hr 46 min
P/S ...

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by ShadeGrenade 10 / 10

Spy Games In Rio!

'Kiss The Girls & Make Them Die' ( to give it its American title ) was one of a number of films in the '60's designed to cash in on the success of James Bond. It was made by Dino De Laurentiis, a man who, like Irwin Allen, has attracted more than his fair share of derision over the years, despite having produced some pretty entertaining pictures, of which this is one.

It begins with a curious scene in the Brazilian jungles as eccentric English explorer Lord Aldric ( Terry-Thomas ) comes across a village where no children have been born in years, and despite the best efforts of the women the men appear completely disinterested in sex ( sounds like my home town! ). Aldric makes notes in his diary, only to be shot. The diary then goes missing - having been taken by one of the bearers - and a gang of villains, headed by wealthy industrialist David Ardonian ( Raf Vallone ) set out to recover it.

We then move to Rio De Janeiro. An American is watching a pretty girl and a young man through binoculars. Various thugs close in on him. Taking refuge in a giant statue of Jesus, he is stalked by a sinister bald heavy ( Oliver McGreevy - who also appeared in 'Modesty Blaise' and the first episode of 'The Prisoner' T.V. series ) with a gun. The American, whom we will later learn is called Kelly, is an agent of the C.I.A., and escapes from the killer with the aid of a helicopter.

Kelly is in Rio to investigate the activities of the mysterious Mr.Ardonian, believed to be responsible for the disappearances of beautiful girls. Each has lavish gifts bestowed on them, on the promise that they will remain faithful to him. If any break this vow - and one or two do - then he has them killed. His top henchman is Omar ( Sandro Dori ), a baby-faced blond psychopath whose favourite murder methods involve scorpions and boa constrictors.

To cut the story short, Ardonian plans on cryogenically freezing his girls and thawing them out for breeding purposes when the world's population has died out due to mass sterility - which he intends causing with the aid of a satellite that will blanket the world with radiation. The Chinese have provided him with a rocket, believing he will only sterilise the West. Of course he does not intend honouring this promise.

Joining forces with glamorous British agent Susan Fleming ( Dorothy Provine ) and her ever-so English chauffeur James ( Terry-Thomas again ), Kelly sets out to stop the madman.

The first thing to be said for the movie is that it looks more expensive than your average '60's spy caper. Most of the 007 wannabees lacked the kind of extravagance the Bonds had in abundance, but 'Kiss' was an exception. It boasts fabulous location filming in Rio, impressive sets ( Ardonian's underground lair is cool ), the gadgets are fun, the girls hot, and the hero stylishly played by future 'Mannix' star Mike Connors. Little is known about his character, we do not find out if 'Kelly' is his first name or last, all we really know is that he loves bananas. Unusually, he does not get to sleep around, though he proposes marriage to Susan at the end. Dorothy Provine is very funny, even if her English accent is none too convincing, but in a movie like this reality is unimportant. As 'Ardonian', Raf Vallone is as menacing as he was in 'The Italian Job' when he played the head of the Mafia. Terry-Thomas is a hoot as the karate chopping 'James'. As Chinese spy 'Wilma Soong', Seyna Seyn is devastatingly sexy, though underused.

It is said that the 1979 Bond movie 'Moonraker' is a virtual remake of this picture. I am sure Christopher Wood and Lewis Gilbert would vehemently deny it, but even so the resemblance is uncanny.

One of the film's writers, Jack Pulman, went on to pen the classic B.B.C. series 'I Claudius'. He probably only took this job for the money, but his script is a lot better than many others of the genre, being consistently amusing and inventive. Being English, he may have seen an episode of the 'Thunderbirds' T.V. series, explaining how 'Susan' and 'James' so closely resemble 'Lady Penelope' and 'Parker'.

Henry Levin, the director, keeps the action moving nicely, and it is hard to believe the same man directed two of Dean Martin's 'Matt Helm' pictures - 'Murderers' Row' and 'The Ambushers'.

The only fault I could find was the music, particularly the harmonica solos used during the action which seem to have drifted in from a Western. If ever a film cried out for Jerry Goldsmith it was this one.

'Kiss' never got a sequel. Bearing in mind how quickly the Flint and Matt Helm series deteriorated it is probably just as well. It is tremendous entertainment, a must for genre fans, and deserves a D.V.D. release. Perhaps now that Quentin Tarantino has officially endorsed it it may get one. Not before time either.

Reviewed by Bogmeister 6 / 10

CIA Agent Loves 'em and Leaves 'em in Rio

MASTER PLAN: infertilize the USA's population by eliminating the sexual drive (cripes!) via a launched satellite. This begins as an obvious spoof, showing some scientist getting shot in the jungles while exploring a local tribe's infertility problem, with satirical narration (by actor Michael Hordern, maybe?). It's a very goofy start. But, the action switches to Rio de Janeiro, a nice bit on Corcovado, in and around the famed statue, as an agent played by lead Mike Connors fights off a villain. This sets the tone for the rest of the film, a more sophisticated parody of the James Bond thriller than I first thought, in the vein of "Our Man Flint." There's the typical stuff: use of scorpions & piranha, the odd henchman and the main villain (Vallone) who has sinister grand plans for the world. Provine shows up as a femme fatale with a severely British accent. Terry-Thomas then pops up as an effeminate chauffeur who can handle himself very well in a fight.

The exotic locations in Brazil are pretty good; as mentioned in other comments, some of this, including some plot points, seems to have been copied by an actual later Bond film, "Moonraker," though one could argue this happened because this copies earlier Bond films such as "Thunderball" and "Dr.No." The story has some slow parts in the first half, meandering as the hero follows villains and vice-versa. This is reflected in the film's music score, which has a lazy, easy style to it, even during action sequences. As the hero, Connors also ambles his way through, usually laconic or sarcastic, depending on the scene, but projecting toughness. This was just before he began his 8-year run as tough TV private eye "Mannix." To give you an idea of the humor, there's a recurring theme of the hero's fondness for bananas. Things pick up in the latter half when the action shifts to the sci-fi stronghold of the villain. I've heard that this film is a favorite of Quentin Tarantino's. Hero:6 Villains:6 Femme Fatales:6 Henchmen:6 Fights:7 Stunts/Chases:6 Gadgets:6 Auto:4 Locations:7 Pace:6 overall:6

Reviewed by Kelt Smith 6 / 10

The Ultimate 60's Schmaltzy Spy Film !

Unlike the MATT HELM or DEREK FLINT films made around the same time, KISS THE GIRLS AND MAKE THEM DIE is so terrible that it's absolutely great fun to watch ! 1 year shy of his stint as MANNIX, Mike Connors is sent to Rio de Janiero to stop the evil Mr. Ardonian and his sterility inducing satellite ! Helping Connors is Dorothy Provine as an oh so propper lady spy. Provine is chauffered around Brazil by fey Terry Thomas while she sips tea from a full silver service ! Pass the Grey Poupon ! Assisting Mr. Ardonian is a creepy looking guy who resembles Peter Lorre if he'd been a platinum blond. The usual bevy of gorgeous girls are present, and most look like either Joan Collins or Nancy Kovack ! This movie is an absolute treat, a sort of guilty pleasure to watch like PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE. Make the popcorn and enjoy !

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