Modern Vampires


Comedy / Horror / Romance

Rotten Tomatoes Critics - Rotten 30%
Rotten Tomatoes Audience - Spilled 46%
IMDb Rating 4.5 10 1987

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Uploaded By: FREEMAN
December 05, 2021 at 08:24 AM



Gabriel Casseus as Time Bomb
John Fleck as Trick
Robert Pastorelli as The Count
720p.BLU 1080p.BLU
870.9 MB
English 2.0
24 fps
1 hr 34 min
P/S counting...
1.58 GB
English 2.0
24 fps
1 hr 34 min
P/S 59 / 95

Movie Reviews

Reviewed by bkoganbing 4 / 10

Rod And The Boys From The Hood

Other than Rod Steiger doing this tongue in cheek imitation of Laurence Olivier's Mitteleuropa accent and having a ball as a modern Dr. Van Helsing, this rather witless comedy might go over with the juvenile trade, but not too many others. It certainly does make vampires out to be such fun creatures.

Natasha Gregson Wagner and Casper Van Dien are a couple of modern vampires who are tired of the rule of that most notorious vampire of them all, Count Dracula as played by Robert Pastorelli. But all of them have to worry that that famous vampire slaughterer Van Helsing who's on the prowl with some new kind of help, a few boys from the hood.

Except when Steiger was on the screen I didn't get too many laughs out of this film though. Maybe it's because my taste in music just doesn't run to rap which blares at intervals during the movie.

There is one other good scene I did like. Kim Catrall pulling a freight train with the Van Helsing helpers and turning them all into vampires. It's the inevitable result of sex with one.

For the juvenile trade strictly.

Reviewed by Leofwine_draca 2 / 10


REVENANT (originally titled MODERN VAMPIRES) is a low budget vampire comedy that was marketed as a straightforward vampire horror flick here in the UK. Either way it's a dog of a film, shot on what looks like no budget and in the dark, and made as a TV movie too. This spoofy yarn supposedly reveals the real life of the modern Hollywood vampire, which seems to involve hanging around in nightclubs and acting incredibly vapid and self-centred.

A plethora of gore gags and lame make-up effects are thrown into the mix to try to make something stick, but the truth is that this is a lamentable film indeed. There's nothing worse than an unfunny comedy, and REVENANT is exactly that; I can honestly say I didn't laugh once. John Landis's INNOCENT BLOOD is a perfect example of the genre at its finest and this film doesn't even come close to the quality of that movie.

Bizarrely, Rod Steiger makes an appearance as Van Helsing here, so you have to feel for him a little. But wooden actors like Casper Van Dien and Kim Cattrall both should know better. There's a mercifully brief cameo from Udo Kier, but for much of the running time we have to put up with the appalling grating accents of Craig Ferguson and his buddies. As I said, it's a dog of a film.

Reviewed by nogodnomasters 9 / 10

Light comedy vampire

Nude Raves, women in cages, and Kim Cattrall with a bad German accent sounding like Terri Garr in "Young Frankenstein. What was not to like? The acting was ham. The script was nonsense and dialogue humorous.

Van Helsing: "You would being willing to drive a stake through someone's heart and you don't believe in vampires?" Gabriel Casseus: "I need this job."

There is really no horror in this movie. It is a comedy, but not a laugh out loud type of comedy. It is a cult comedy and viewable even with Casper Van Dien.

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